View Full Version : Are birds aiming at me?

2005-04-03, 12:32
Apparently I have a warped mind. Yesterday I was snowshoeing at 4500' with my wife and two kids, stooped over the trangia stirring our lunch, when out of nowhere, you guessed it, bird crap! Too close for comfort, almost nailed our grub. There could not have been a single bird in a five mile radious of our location, or so I thought. Apparently there was. And the SOB was aiming for me. Where is my twelve guage when I need it most?

This made me think of a few run-ins (runny) with birds that I have experienced or seen. (Maybe the word is out, and the birds have a "hit" out on me for reasons unknown, but probably deserving...remember, alot of birds taste like chicken-yum!) If you spend a bunch of time in the outdoors, I will bet you have atleast a coulple of similar strories;

1. At a young age a seagull dropped the bomb on me in a small dingy as I rowed around the lake I grew up on. Rejectedly I rowed for home.

2. My brother got slammed with both barrells, by an obviously sick seagull, one who had eaten something very bad which affected this birds digestive tract. My brother cried out "it's still warm!" as he scrambled for the cleansing waters of the lake.

3. My neighbor was complaining to my mother about all these "gawd damn geese" crapping on her lawn, when out of nowhere, she caught a load with her out-streched hand she was gesturing with. Seagull again.

I have turned around more than once, to find a bird has crapped in my frypan, on my open beer can, on the windshield of my recently washed car (exactly where I peer thru) or bullseye on the handle of my fishing reel. I am getting pretty sick of this and may do something about it. The problem is, there are just too many of them to defend against. Sure, I could blast the next bird that bombs me, but another will just step up to replace him, maybe two.

You know, come to think of it, if I was a bird I would do the exact same thing, and I know I am a good shot.

SGT Rock
2005-04-03, 12:37
Every read "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" series. You sound like the Rain God, except your the Bird Shit God.

Jim Henderson
2005-04-03, 17:48
I too have been bombed by birds. When I was maybe 14 years old, I went fishing with my two much younger brothers. After calling it a day, we wanted to get rid of our anchovy bait. So, seeing a few seagulls lolling about, we tossed maybe 20 salted anchovies onto the ground. Those few birds went wild which attracted maybe a total of 30 or 40 birds who also went wild and fought over the bait.

In their excitement, some of the birds "let loose' as they took off. My brothers and I decided retreat was the better part of valor and started to walk awy. This caused all the birds to lift off and many of them to let go. We were totally bombed, just like the scene in High Anxiety with Mel Brooks.

And of course as mentioned by the other guy, seagul poop is not pleasant smelling. What a mess. But we still get a laugh out of it all these years later.

Jim Henderson

Rage in a Cage
2005-04-03, 18:33
I have managed to avoid "bird baths" for the most part. the worse experience I can think of was when I almost hit a buzzard with my truck as he took off out of the road in front of me. It must have scared him because he not only craped but he also regurgitated rotten bits of yum yum all over the truck. The only smell worse than crap is dead half rotten chunks of meat mixed in with the crap. Washing the truck was a ton of fun. :puke:
I also had a run in with a bat one time. I was driving home after dark with the window rolled down and one flew in the window and hit me on the shoulder. I turned on the inside light to see what it was and here's this bat flopping around in my lap. My first thought was about protecting parts of my anatomy that reside in that region. :afraid: I stopped in the middle of the road and set him free.

2005-04-03, 20:31
Every read "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" series. You sound like the Rain God, except your the Bird Shit God.

:biggrin: :biggrin:

Just Jeff
2005-04-03, 21:05
My wife was in the butterfly house at Cypress Gardens with my son's kindergarten class. There was a fencepost about head-high to the kids, surrounding a koi pond, with a fake duck on it. The kids didn't pay it any attention...until my son walked past and it quacked right in his face! The duck had been sitting so still that even the parents and teachers thought he was fake!

My son screamed and cried, but ended up with a funny story looking back on it.

2005-04-04, 00:32
Well, I've tried to get a bat up my sleeve - Not the most pleasant thing, but rather fun to look back at.

Birds only aim for me when I've got a new, clean shirt on and I'm on my way to some social gathering. :fisheye:

2005-07-19, 01:03
We had seagulls all around the high school I went to (1000 miles from the sea but did the @#$% "sea" birds care - no!!) and I can say with total certainty that they aim.
I was around them every day, and I never saw one poo on the ground. They pooed on cars, big rocks, and people.
They also had very good aim.
I've watched them bomb people for what could only be their own amusement (or possibly to chase them off) - why else would the same person get hit 2 or 3 times in a row.