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Streamweaver
2005-12-29, 12:54
Crusty Marine

A crusty old Marine Corps SgtMaj found himself at a gala event downtown,
hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of
extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached
the SgtMaj for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, SgtMaj, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are
you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"

"Negative ma'am," the SgtMaj said, "just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action."

The SgtMaj's short reply was, "Yes ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little -- relax and enjoy yourself."

The SgtMaj just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong wa! y, but when is the last time you had sex?"

The SgtMaj looked at her and replied, "1955."

She said, "Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quit
taking everything so seriously - I mean, no sex since 1955, isn't that a
little extreme?"

The SgtMaj, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,
"Oh, I don't know. It's only 2130 now." :biggrin:

Streamweaver
2005-12-29, 12:56
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf!"
The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again
and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
"My, what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf!"
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About two miles down the road.
Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again
and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
"My, what big teeth you have, Mr. Wolf!"

With that the wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you knock it off?
I'm trying to poop!"

bird dog
2006-01-02, 00:08
A soldier, a marine, and a Squid (thats a Navy person) are out in the woods on manuevers when they encounter a raging river.

The Marine quickly dives in and swims across the river using all of his strength in the hour or so it takes him to get across.

The Squid constructs a raft and paddles across using all of his strength in the hour it takes him to battle the current.

The soldier walks a short distance upstream and crosses the bridge.

BD

bird dog
2006-01-02, 00:16
An Iraqi Brigade is patrolling a rather mountainous area when they encounter a lone soldier (most likely a Scout) on a mountain top.

The Scout yells down to the Communist Commander "I can beat your best soldier". The commander immediately calls to his XO to determine who his strongest soldier is and sends the soldier to meet the scout. A short time later, the Scout emerges and pushes the battered Iraqi soldier down the mountain.

The Scout yells down to the commander "I can beat ten of your best soldiers". The commander, now upset by the initial defeat, sends ten of his crack soldiers up the mountain. A few minutes pass, filled with moans and screams, and the Scout emerges once again victorious.

The commander stands below, furious, as the Scout yells "I can take one hundred of your best troops". The Commander sends one hundred of his best soldiers up the mountain in hopes that the Scout will have met his match.

The commander listens intently below at all of the screams and moans, and for a long moment. Then, the commander sees one of his very best troops stumble down the mountain as the Scout stands proud at the top of the high ground. The lone Iraqi soldier screams loudly to his Commander ------

"Dont listen to him. Its a trick. THERES TWO OF THEM!"

Nothing on the level of the Salty Marine joke, but funny none the less.

BD

Streamweaver
2006-01-03, 11:41
An Iraqi Brigade is patrolling a rather mountainous area when they encounter a lone soldier (most likely a Scout) on a mountain top.

The Scout yells down to the Communist Commander "I can beat your best soldier". The commander immediately calls to his XO to determine who his strongest soldier is and sends the soldier to meet the scout. A short time later, the Scout emerges and pushes the battered Iraqi soldier down the mountain.

The Scout yells down to the commander "I can beat ten of your best soldiers". The commander, now upset by the initial defeat, sends ten of his crack soldiers up the mountain. A few minutes pass, filled with moans and screams, and the Scout emerges once again victorious.

The commander stands below, furious, as the Scout yells "I can take one hundred of your best troops". The Commander sends one hundred of his best soldiers up the mountain in hopes that the Scout will have met his match.

The commander listens intently below at all of the screams and moans, and for a long moment. Then, the commander sees one of his very best troops stumble down the mountain as the Scout stands proud at the top of the high ground. The lone Iraqi soldier screams loudly to his Commander ------

"Dont listen to him. Its a trick. THERES TWO OF THEM!"

Nothing on the level of the Salty Marine joke, but funny none the less.

BD

LOL Good jokes!!

Just Jeff
2006-01-03, 12:16
The soldier walks a short distance upstream and crosses the bridge.

Uh huh. And the AF waves happily from 30k feet in the C-17 after cooking a hot lunch in the oven, walking out of the latrine with the flushable toilet, and watching an inflight movie. :p

Then we drop soldiers out the back to go kick ass (with air support, of course). :)