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dropkick
2006-02-22, 07:27
If you try to fail, but you succeed, which have you done?
Everything I say is a lie.
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
If nothing sticks to teflon, then how do they make teflon stick to the pan?
If water is colorless, why does it make material darker?
Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?
Is the vice president's wife the second lady?
A General is a higher ranking than a Major, so why is a major illness worse than a general illness?
How come only your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower and nothing else?
Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?
Why is number abbreviated as no.? When there is no o in number?
Why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary?
Why is that when fish die in water, they float to the top, but when humans die in water, they sink to the bottom?
Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light?

Iceman
2006-02-22, 10:06
Why do they call it raw sewage, what are you supposed to do,...cook it?

sand crab
2006-02-23, 10:58
Good ones, Dropkick. A followup question...



Why is the alphabet in that order?


Would we have to spell our words differently if they weren't?

deadeye
2006-02-23, 17:18
Why do they call it raw sewage, what are you supposed to do,...cook it?

Reminds me of the signs at our local sewage treatment plant

"Warning - This area under video surveillance"

Are they worried someone's going to steal their #$%@?

blackdog
2006-02-23, 17:34
dropkick, you know that there are answers to all those questions, right? most people just want to keep the mystery about them, that's all.

another example: why does the wife of the blind man put on make-up?

even the old zen question about the sound of one hand clapping has an answer. ...and so has the question: "is it possible to see the whole truth with blind faith?"

my favourite? "if you say i'm talking crap, are you really looking at my face?" (sorry about that use of a four letter word, but it doesn't work with anything but a four letter word. feel free to put me on the ignore-list.)

Seeker
2006-02-23, 17:39
no, i for one won't ignore you... @#$^ is ok, and you probably didn't offend anyone by using the symbols to spell it out the way you did...

reminds me of the old question "if a tree falls in the forest, and there's no one there to hear it, did it make a sound?" i like to change that with a more modern equivalent..."if a tree falls on a florist, and no one's there to hear him scream, did he make a sound?"

fieldcraftsman
2006-02-24, 08:44
Courtesy http://www.strategypage.com/humor/articles/military_jokes_20054221.asp

Rangers Versus Special Forces: Hostage Rescue


The Chief of Staff of the Army asked his Sergeant Major, who was both Ranger and Special Forces qualified, which organization he would recommend to form a new anti-terrorist unit. The Sergeant Major responded to the General's question with this parable: If there were a hijacked Boeing 747 being held by terrorists along with its passengers and crew and an anti-terrorist unit formed either by the Rangers or the Special Forces was given a Rescue/Recovery Mission; what would you expect to happen?

Ranger Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If the Rangers went in, they would send a Ranger company of 120 men with standard army issue equipment.

Mission Preparation: The Ranger Company First Sergeant would conduct a Hair Cut and Boots Inspection, while the officers consulted SOPs and held sand table exercises.

Infiltration Technique: They would insist on double timing, in company formation, wearing their combat equipment, and singing cadence all the way to the site of the hijacked aircraft.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived, the Ranger company would establish their ORP, put out security elements, conduct a leaders recon, reapply their camouflage, and conduct final preparations for Actions on the OBJ.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would be completed within one hour; all of the terrorists and most of the passengers would have been killed, the Rangers would have sustained light casualties and the 747 would be worthless to anyone except a scrap dealer.

Special Forces Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If Special Forces went in, they would send only a 12 man team (all SF units are divisible by 12 for some arcane historical reason) however, due to the exotic nature of their equipment the SF Team would cost the same amount to deploy as the Ranger Company.

Mission Preparation: The SF Team Sergeant would request relaxed grooming standards for the team. All members of the team would spend a grueling afternoon at a quality spa ensuring physical abilities would be honed.

Infiltration Technique: The team would insist on separate travel orders with Max Per Diem, and each would get to the site of the hijacking by his own means. At least one third of the team would insist on jumping in HALO.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived , the SF Team would cache their military uniforms, establish a Team Room at the best hotel in the area, use their illegal Team Fund to stock the unauthorized Team Room Bar, check out the situation by talking to the locals, and have a Team Meeting to discuss the merits of the terrorists' cause.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would take two weeks to complete and by that time all of the terrorists would have been killed, (and would have left signed confessions); the passengers would be ruined psychologically for the remainder of their lives; and all of the women passengers would be pregnant. The 747 would be essentially unharmed, the team would have taken no casualties but would have used up, lost, or stolen all the "high speed" equipment issued to them.

Just Jeff
2006-02-24, 11:11
I don't care you ya are, that $#!+'s funny.

Take-a-knee
2006-02-24, 14:39
There is hyperbole in what you say Fieldcraftsman, but what makes it funny is you aren't stretching the truth by much.

Seeker
2006-02-24, 17:38
there was an old comic that used to make its rounds in the army, showing different reactions to a rain storm...

-Common infantryman is out in it and says 'this really sucks'.
-Ranger guy says 'this is great!'.
-Green Beret guy says 'this sucks, but how can i make it suck even more?'
-Armor guy looks out from the tank he's sheltered in and says 'god, it would really suck to be in the infantry'.
-Army Aviator looks out of his tent and says 'well, we can't fly in this crap... break out the cards!'

Last scene is an airforce pilot in his plane, flying high above the clouds... sun is shining on him as he looks down and says 'man, it looks like it would really suck down there... i'm glad i'm in the Air Force. Red 5, this is Red 6... i'll race you back to the club! last one down buys the beer!'

fieldcraftsman
2006-02-24, 17:58
Seeker...I think that says it all! LOL! :)

jimtanker
2006-02-25, 00:00
Seeker - You have it slightly wrong.

If a tree falls in a forest and there is no woman around to hear it,
is the man still wrong?

dixicritter
2006-02-25, 00:13
Of course he's wrong. ;) :elefant:

Seeker
2006-02-25, 01:06
if he's smart, he'll verbally admit to being wrong, while secretly knowing he's right, but that it's not worth arguing about... later, when other women come along and find the florist did actually make a sound, they'll come up with some tactful way to bail the woman out, she'll save face and he'll be vindicated, and it will be a ''priceless'' moment... one for which we men live... the wisest ones just smile, don't say anything, and live to laugh again another day... but sometimes it's years of waiting... woman tend to be a pretty smart bunch...

i have a poem at work... i'll have to wait til tomorrow or tuesday to post it, but it's about the value of a woman as a friend... written by an extremely far-sighted man back in the 1700s, i think... good stuff...

dropkick
2006-03-18, 00:48
If your driving really fast and you reach the speed of light would your headlights still work?