PDA

View Full Version : Other current trail-widows?



intent
2007-07-12, 23:12
Actually, gender isn't important, but would love to hear from other support people who have hikers on a thru.
Spouse left Georgia at end of March and has made it on AT to Hudson River area, NY. He is loving it, and is just made for this kind of trip.
I was going to write a journal about being the home person, but I would have had unpleasant things to say that would reflect poorly on my character, so decided to bag that idea.
We were going to go together, but I have such different priorities on a trip, that I knew it wouldn't work. I am totally behind him and send packages maybe twice a month, take care of his bills and run the house, go to work, and keep up with a few Trail Journals. He in turn stays in touch over the phone when he can, which is more often as he gets closer to home. At the same time, it is a huge change for our 35 year marriage, and after the exciting autonomy of the fist 6 weeks, it got tough to cover all bases here and have a cheerful disposition at the same time.
Had a great short visit in Harper's Ferry. Anticipate at least one more like that before he is done.
My best wishes to anyone else holding down the fort.

dixicritter
2007-07-12, 23:34
Haven't done the thru support.... yet... that's scheduled for next year, however, I have done the hold down the home front as an Army spouse for the last 19 years this month. I feel your pain! Hang in there!

I'm currently "home alone" but wishing I weren't too. It gets easier to deal with if you stay busy.

Just Jeff
2007-07-12, 23:53
Maybe you should trade places next year...you get to hike with your own priorities and he gets to pay you back for holding down the fort!

JAK
2007-07-13, 00:04
My wife and I just had our 15th anniversary. Congrats on 35. On the bright side, I'll venture a guess that every day a man spends hiking extends his life by a day or two so God willing you will both make it up at the other end if you know what I mean, in more ways than one, one way or the other. Cheers.

dixicritter
2007-07-13, 12:23
Maybe you should trade places next year...you get to hike with your own priorities and he gets to pay you back for holding down the fort!

That sounds like good advice for her. Something to think about intent.

MalTheElder
2007-10-23, 23:36
I was going to write a journal about being the home person, but I would have had unpleasant things to say that would reflect poorly on my character, so decided to bag that idea.

Do keep a journal, bad thoughts and all. I never journalled in my life until I was in hospital for a long stay a couple of years ago---a Brown Recluse almost killed me (hence the change of nom-de-trail). I scribbled like crazy, 24/7, including those thoughts that, no, I really wouldn't rather have known. But I wrote them down anyway.

It kept me more-or-less sane.

And I think many of us, hikers and supporters, would really like to hear what a supporter goes through.

Best to you both,
Half Step

Take-a-knee
2007-10-24, 00:00
Dixie, whaddya mean you ain't done "thru-support" yet. You've been doing "thru-the gauntlet" support for twenty-plus years?

dixicritter
2007-10-24, 00:21
Dixie, whaddya mean you ain't done "thru-support" yet. You've been doing "thru-the gauntlet" support for twenty-plus years?

I imagine thru-hiker support will be totally different to being a military spouse. I'm really looking forward to not being worried about him in the "deployment" sense of things on his thru-hike next year. However, for me him being gone for the hike won't be much different than him being gone for a work trip now.

I hope that made sense. It is really hard to put into words. :)

yuppie_redneck
2008-01-15, 17:24
I hate to mention this, but honestly.....


After 35 years of marriage you both deserve a break!


He's not out drinking, whoring, or carousing with the boys. If you can't be positive about that, perhaps he DESERVED the break.


Although, to be fair in regards to dixiechick's posts - a voluntary absence from your spouse is entirely different from one due to your spouse fulfilling a military obligation. The former entails a voluntary separation to fulfill one's own selfish desires, the latter a commitment to Duty, God, and Country.

lucky luke
2008-01-18, 01:23
That sounds like good advice for her. Something to think about intent.


hi dixicritter,

i love this line. maybe there´s a little letter missing?

...to think about in-a-tent?

happy trails,
lucky luke

dixicritter
2008-01-18, 10:28
I hate to mention this, but honestly.....


After 35 years of marriage you both deserve a break!


He's not out drinking, whoring, or carousing with the boys. If you can't be positive about that, perhaps he DESERVED the break.


Although, to be fair in regards to dixiechick's posts - a voluntary absence from your spouse is entirely different from one due to your spouse fulfilling a military obligation. The former entails a voluntary separation to fulfill one's own selfish desires, the latter a commitment to Duty, God, and Country.

Yuppie... dixiechick is my daughter, My trail name is dixicritter. Let's not confuse everyone ok? ;) :D

Also for some spouses it isn't easy to wrap their minds around this whole hiking thing. At least she came here looking for some advice instead of just staying negative about the whole thing. I look at the ones that do that in a positive way, as in they are a little more open minded than those that just want to put their foot down.

yuppie_redneck
2008-01-18, 19:40
Yuppie... dixiechick is my daughter, My trail name is dixicritter. Let's not confuse everyone ok? ;) :D


Also for some spouses it isn't easy to wrap their minds around this whole hiking thing. At least she came here looking for some advice instead of just staying negative about the whole thing. I look at the ones that do that in a positive way, as in they are a little more open minded than those that just want to put their foot down.


My observation was just that of an unrelated reader, one who admittedly has difficulty sleeping without his wife anywhere. Nonetheless, when she needs that personal time (albiet hers is not on trail - it's visiting her family and friends), I give it to her - gratefully. It's not practical to drag the whole family all the time. Though I miss her, I understand that I do not share in some of the interests she has. (Even though I actually do like most of her family.)


I read, and try to be a good husband. I am the best father I know how to be. What I understand from those far more experienced than I in marriage, is that I have better odds of being successful if I not only tolerate, but encourage my spouse to do activities she enjoys. No matter how I hate being without her, I try my hardest not to engender guilt over her absence. Doing so detracts from her enjoyment. Rather, I find it more beneficial to simply tell her how much I missed her on her return, and try to make her feel as special as she really is.


(I try to be gruff and objective most of the time for others - but she knows me for the real SAP I am.)


That said, when I read this:
I was going to write a journal about being the home person, but I would have had unpleasant things to say that would reflect poorly on my character, so decided to bag that idea.

I knew this person might not be acting in their own best interests, were they to allow their spouse to be aware of these particular feelings during their absence. Were she to put this in a journal that he would never read, it might help her to get it out. But when she says it would 'reflect poorly on my character' that implies a reader - the most logical being her spouse.

Explaining all that too her would likely have lost it's meaning in all the words. Hence the blunt, to the point response - designed to promote keeping those feelings private:

He's not out drinking, whoring, or carousing with the boys. If you can't be positive about that, perhaps he DESERVED the break.


One last thing - sorry for confusing you for your daughter - most women would be a little flattered by that ;)