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View Full Version : Hiker Vows To "Make the CDT My Bitch."



Jester
2011-10-26, 18:26
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rk8HTEUVfSQ/TqiI2hPfagI/AAAAAAAAACQ/3KeUYuJI_Ps/s320/Pitchfork.jpg


Ignorance and a delusional sense of self-confidence.

That is what Shane O'Donnell will be relying on when he embarks on his bold and quite possibly life-threatening attempt to "not just shatter, but mug at knifepoint and beat senseless" the Continental Divide Trail speed record.

The 41-year-old Roslyn resident plans to depart from the trail's southernmost point in New Mexico early in May - probably on May 1st - in an attempt to complete the trail, which snakes through 5 states from New Mexico to Montana, in record time.

"I'm going to hike the entire CDT in 28 days," says O'Donnell, "I don't just want to break the record, I want to take it out behind the Middle School and get it pregnant. It's kind of a statement for me."

There is some doubt about the possibility of breaking the record, insofar as it doesn't actually exist. Jackie McDonnell, CDT Guide Book author, explains: “There really isn’t a definitive speed record for the CDT because the trail itself doesn’t have one official route. There are multiple termini, cutoffs, alternates and foul-weather routes. Everyone’s CDT hike is unique in the sense that everyone hikes a slightly different (or sometimes greatly different) trail. Setting a speed record would be meaningless, because it’s incredibly unlikely that any two people would hike the exact same route. Seems like poor planning. Is Shane O’Donnell even aware of this?”

Shane is aware of this, but insists that poor planning is part of his strategy.

“There are a lot of naysayers and haters out there who know an awful lot about the CDT. But they don’t know anything about me, about my inner drive, my refusal to quit even when what I’m attempting makes no sense whatsoever,” Shane explains, “it’s pretty clear that being completely aware of what I’m facing might crush my unrealistic expectations.”

Even if one assumes that the CDT is, in length, the minimum that has been estimated (approximately 2800 miles), Shane would have to clock 28 straight 100 mile days, including stretches in high altitude mountains that may be impassable due to snow. Is he up to it?

“People tell me that I’m off the wall. But that’s where everyone else is. They’re ‘off the wall’ because they’re ‘on the floor.’ I’m ON the wall, and only I know what that means. But experience? Yeah, I’ve got tons. I was a Boy Scout for a summer when I was, I think, 13. And when I worked in Boston, the other valets and I once built a huge snow cave that we hung out in instead of working, so I’m comfortable with winter extremes. Plus I’ve walked more than 30 miles in a day. I don’t see how 100 miles is much different. Or 28 of them in a row.”

Such a pace suggests that Shane will need to run, most likely for up to 22 hours per day, but he insists that he will hike unsupported. Says Shane, “I guarantee that I will not wear underwear for the entire hike. Wait. What was the question?”

Though he’ll be unsupported, he expects to be followed, in a sense.

“Yeah, I’ll be tweeting, and updating on Facebook. Then of course there’ll be my website, and my blog, and interviews I’ll do along the way, plus probably some updates on some charity sites I’ll link to in an attempt to get sponsorship and lessen awareness of my overly apparent narcissism. I expect that everyone will be interested in paying attention to me. Why wouldn’t they?”

While the answer to that may be painfully obvious to some, Shane insists that he will be inspired by all of the doubters, if not by the natural beauty that surrounds him.

“I’ll be thinking about the doubters the whole way as I beat the CDT so bad it’s own mom doesn’t recognize it,” he says, “I mean, they told Napoleon he couldn’t successfully invade Russia, but he didn’t listen, right? I know that complete ignorance and self-delusion only gets you so far, but the fact that I won’t back down tells me this is a lock. When I get done crushing the CDT, the Houston Astros will be making fun of it.”

When contacted for an opinion, Garret “The Onion” Christensen asked, “What does that last sentence even mean?”

He’ll have to wait until May 2012 to find out.

Chaco Taco
2011-10-26, 18:33
Ignorance and a delusional sense of self-confidence.

That is what Shane O'Donnell will be relying on when he embarks on his bold and quite possibly life-threatening attempt to "not just shatter, but mug at knifepoint and beat senseless" the Continental Divide Trail speed record.

The 41-year-old Roslyn resident plans to depart from the trail's southernmost point in New Mexico early in May - probably on May 1st - in an attempt to complete the trail, which snakes through 5 states from New Mexico to Montana, in record time.

"I'm going to hike the entire CDT in 28 days," says O'Donnell, "I don't just want to break the record, I want to take it out behind the Middle School and get it pregnant. It's kind of a statement for me."

There is some doubt about the possibility of breaking the record, insofar as it doesn't actually exist. Jackie McDonnell, CDT Guide Book author, explains: “There really isn’t a definitive speed record for the CDT because the trail itself doesn’t have one official route. There are multiple termini, cutoffs, alternates and foul-weather routes. Everyone’s CDT hike is unique in the sense that everyone hikes a slightly different (or sometimes greatly different) trail. Setting a speed record would be meaningless, because it’s incredibly unlikely that any two people would hike the exact same route. Seems like poor planning. Is Shane O’Donnell even aware of this?”

Shane is aware of this, but insists that poor planning is part of his strategy.

“There are a lot of naysayers and haters out there who know an awful lot about the CDT. But they don’t know anything about me, about my inner drive, my refusal to quit even when what I’m attempting makes no sense whatsoever,” Shane explains, “it’s pretty clear that being completely aware of what I’m facing might crush my unrealistic expectations.”

Even if one assumes that the CDT is, in length, the minimum that has been estimated (approximately 2800 miles), Shane would have to clock 28 straight 100 mile days, including stretches in high altitude mountains that may be impassable due to snow. Is he up to it?

“People tell me that I’m off the wall. But that’s where everyone else is. They’re ‘off the wall’ because they’re ‘on the floor.’ I’m ON the wall, and only I know what that means. But experience? Yeah, I’ve got tons. I was a Boy Scout for a summer when I was, I think, 13. And when I worked in Boston, the other valets and I once built a huge snow cave that we hung out in instead of working, so I’m comfortable with winter extremes. Plus I’ve walked more than 30 miles in a day. I don’t see how 100 miles is much different. Or 28 of them in a row.”

Such a pace suggests that Shane will need to run, most likely for up to 22 hours per day, but he insists that he will hike unsupported. Says Shane, “I guarantee that I will not wear underwear for the entire hike. Wait. What was the question?”

Though he’ll be unsupported, he expects to be followed, in a sense.

“Yeah, I’ll be tweeting, and updating on Facebook. Then of course there’ll be my website, and my blog, and interviews I’ll do along the way, plus probably some updates on some charity sites I’ll link to in an attempt to get sponsorship and lessen awareness of my overly apparent narcissism. I expect that everyone will be interested in paying attention to me. Why wouldn’t they?”

While the answer to that may be painfully obvious to some, Shane insists that he will be inspired by all of the doubters, if not by the natural beauty that surrounds him.

“I’ll be thinking about the doubters the whole way as I beat the CDT so bad it’s own mom doesn’t recognize it,” he says, “I mean, they told Napoleon he couldn’t successfully invade Russia, but he didn’t listen, right? I know that complete ignorance and self-delusion only gets you so far, but the fact that I won’t back down tells me this is a lock. When I get done crushing the CDT, the Houston Astros will be making fun of it.”

When contacted for an opinion, Garret “The Onion” Christensen asked, “What does that last sentence even mean?”

He’ll have to wait until May 2012 to find out.

You are going to need plenty of blow for this attempt:ahhhhh:

Hikerhead
2011-10-26, 18:35
I think you can do it. The hell with them naysayers. :)

Superman
2011-10-26, 18:39
Ignorance and a delusional sense of self-confidence.

That is what Shane O'Donnell will be relying on when he embarks on his bold and quite possibly life-threatening attempt to "not just shatter, but mug at knifepoint and beat senseless" the Continental Divide Trail speed record.

The 41-year-old Roslyn resident plans to depart from the trail's southernmost point in New Mexico early in May - probably on May 1st - in an attempt to complete the trail, which snakes through 5 states from New Mexico to Montana, in record time.

"I'm going to hike the entire CDT in 28 days," says O'Donnell, "I don't just want to break the record, I want to take it out behind the Middle School and get it pregnant. It's kind of a statement for me."

There is some doubt about the possibility of breaking the record, insofar as it doesn't actually exist. Jackie McDonnell, CDT Guide Book author, explains: “There really isn’t a definitive speed record for the CDT because the trail itself doesn’t have one official route. There are multiple termini, cutoffs, alternates and foul-weather routes. Everyone’s CDT hike is unique in the sense that everyone hikes a slightly different (or sometimes greatly different) trail. Setting a speed record would be meaningless, because it’s incredibly unlikely that any two people would hike the exact same route. Seems like poor planning. Is Shane O’Donnell even aware of this?”

Shane is aware of this, but insists that poor planning is part of his strategy.

“There are a lot of naysayers and haters out there who know an awful lot about the CDT. But they don’t know anything about me, about my inner drive, my refusal to quit even when what I’m attempting makes no sense whatsoever,” Shane explains, “it’s pretty clear that being completely aware of what I’m facing might crush my unrealistic expectations.”

Even if one assumes that the CDT is, in length, the minimum that has been estimated (approximately 2800 miles), Shane would have to clock 28 straight 100 mile days, including stretches in high altitude mountains that may be impassable due to snow. Is he up to it?

“People tell me that I’m off the wall. But that’s where everyone else is. They’re ‘off the wall’ because they’re ‘on the floor.’ I’m ON the wall, and only I know what that means. But experience? Yeah, I’ve got tons. I was a Boy Scout for a summer when I was, I think, 13. And when I worked in Boston, the other valets and I once built a huge snow cave that we hung out in instead of working, so I’m comfortable with winter extremes. Plus I’ve walked more than 30 miles in a day. I don’t see how 100 miles is much different. Or 28 of them in a row.”

Such a pace suggests that Shane will need to run, most likely for up to 22 hours per day, but he insists that he will hike unsupported. Says Shane, “I guarantee that I will not wear underwear for the entire hike. Wait. What was the question?”

Though he’ll be unsupported, he expects to be followed, in a sense.

“Yeah, I’ll be tweeting, and updating on Facebook. Then of course there’ll be my website, and my blog, and interviews I’ll do along the way, plus probably some updates on some charity sites I’ll link to in an attempt to get sponsorship and lessen awareness of my overly apparent narcissism. I expect that everyone will be interested in paying attention to me. Why wouldn’t they?”

While the answer to that may be painfully obvious to some, Shane insists that he will be inspired by all of the doubters, if not by the natural beauty that surrounds him.

“I’ll be thinking about the doubters the whole way as I beat the CDT so bad it’s own mom doesn’t recognize it,” he says, “I mean, they told Napoleon he couldn’t successfully invade Russia, but he didn’t listen, right? I know that complete ignorance and self-delusion only gets you so far, but the fact that I won’t back down tells me this is a lock. When I get done crushing the CDT, the Houston Astros will be making fun of it.”

When contacted for an opinion, Garret “The Onion” Christensen asked, “What does that last sentence even mean?”

He’ll have to wait until May 2012 to find out.

Planning to go more than 28 days without a woman is insane. Just sayin.

Chaco Taco
2011-10-26, 18:44
Planning to go more than 28 days without a woman is insane. Just sayin.

or find a woman that likes blow:aetsch:

rcli4
2011-10-26, 18:51
Your post has to many words

Nightwalker
2011-10-26, 18:53
Your post has to many words

If anyone can imagine that he could do it, it has to be Jester. Or Clyde, maybe.

Chaco Taco
2011-10-26, 18:54
My sig line has too many big words I don't know

Well........there you go

Sarcasm The Elf
2011-10-26, 19:11
You forgot to include your gear list with the press release. How
many MRE's do you plan to bring?

Ray
2011-10-26, 19:41
Bogus. Every hiking record attempt announcement must include a quote from Warren Doyle.

No Warren quote = total bogosity. Pegs an 11 on the bogometer.

Jester
2011-10-26, 19:47
You forgot to include your gear list with the press release. How
many MRE's do you plan to bring?

Gear list is forthcoming.

Jester
2011-10-26, 19:48
Bogus. Every hiking record attempt announcement must include a quote from Warren Doyle.

No Warren quote = total bogosity. Pegs an 11 on the bogometer.

At press time Warren Doyle was unavailable for comment. As promotion of this hike really kicks into gear, I'm sure he'll be contacted by the press.

Bearpaw
2011-10-26, 20:04
Stop it! I get enough air when you make me laugh that hard.

Kanga
2011-10-26, 20:12
Ignorance and a delusional sense of self-confidence.

That is what Shane O'Donnell will be relying on when he embarks on his bold and quite possibly life-threatening attempt to "not just shatter, but mug at knifepoint and beat senseless" the Continental Divide Trail speed record.

The 41-year-old Roslyn resident plans to depart from the trail's southernmost point in New Mexico early in May - probably on May 1st - in an attempt to complete the trail, which snakes through 5 states from New Mexico to Montana, in record time.

"I'm going to hike the entire CDT in 28 days," says O'Donnell, "I don't just want to break the record, I want to take it out behind the Middle School and get it pregnant. It's kind of a statement for me."

There is some doubt about the possibility of breaking the record, insofar as it doesn't actually exist. Jackie McDonnell, CDT Guide Book author, explains: “There really isn’t a definitive speed record for the CDT because the trail itself doesn’t have one official route. There are multiple termini, cutoffs, alternates and foul-weather routes. Everyone’s CDT hike is unique in the sense that everyone hikes a slightly different (or sometimes greatly different) trail. Setting a speed record would be meaningless, because it’s incredibly unlikely that any two people would hike the exact same route. Seems like poor planning. Is Shane O’Donnell even aware of this?”

Shane is aware of this, but insists that poor planning is part of his strategy.

“There are a lot of naysayers and haters out there who know an awful lot about the CDT. But they don’t know anything about me, about my inner drive, my refusal to quit even when what I’m attempting makes no sense whatsoever,” Shane explains, “it’s pretty clear that being completely aware of what I’m facing might crush my unrealistic expectations.”

Even if one assumes that the CDT is, in length, the minimum that has been estimated (approximately 2800 miles), Shane would have to clock 28 straight 100 mile days, including stretches in high altitude mountains that may be impassable due to snow. Is he up to it?

“People tell me that I’m off the wall. But that’s where everyone else is. They’re ‘off the wall’ because they’re ‘on the floor.’ I’m ON the wall, and only I know what that means. But experience? Yeah, I’ve got tons. I was a Boy Scout for a summer when I was, I think, 13. And when I worked in Boston, the other valets and I once built a huge snow cave that we hung out in instead of working, so I’m comfortable with winter extremes. Plus I’ve walked more than 30 miles in a day. I don’t see how 100 miles is much different. Or 28 of them in a row.”

Such a pace suggests that Shane will need to run, most likely for up to 22 hours per day, but he insists that he will hike unsupported. Says Shane, “I guarantee that I will not wear underwear for the entire hike. Wait. What was the question?”

Though he’ll be unsupported, he expects to be followed, in a sense.

“Yeah, I’ll be tweeting, and updating on Facebook. Then of course there’ll be my website, and my blog, and interviews I’ll do along the way, plus probably some updates on some charity sites I’ll link to in an attempt to get sponsorship and lessen awareness of my overly apparent narcissism. I expect that everyone will be interested in paying attention to me. Why wouldn’t they?”

While the answer to that may be painfully obvious to some, Shane insists that he will be inspired by all of the doubters, if not by the natural beauty that surrounds him.

“I’ll be thinking about the doubters the whole way as I beat the CDT so bad it’s own mom doesn’t recognize it,” he says, “I mean, they told Napoleon he couldn’t successfully invade Russia, but he didn’t listen, right? I know that complete ignorance and self-delusion only gets you so far, but the fact that I won’t back down tells me this is a lock. When I get done crushing the CDT, the Houston Astros will be making fun of it.”

When contacted for an opinion, Garret “The Onion” Christensen asked, “What does that last sentence even mean?”

He’ll have to wait until May 2012 to find out.
Charlie, darling. is that you?

Kanga
2011-10-26, 20:13
Stop it! I get enough air when you make me laugh that hard.:albertein

Tin Man
2011-10-26, 20:18
At press time Warren Doyle was unavailable for comment. As promotion of this hike really kicks into gear, I'm sure he'll be contacted by the press.

I sure hope so. I hear he has some pull with the hiking gods. They bow when he barks...so I am told.

SGT Rock
2011-10-26, 20:22
That is one of the best record attempt press releases I've ever read.

I recommend doing crack for the big miles.

Tin Man
2011-10-26, 20:39
That is one of the best record attempt press releases I've ever read.

I recommend doing crack for the big miles.

no, no, please no crack...

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mgo/lowres/mgon41l.jpg

Jester
2011-10-26, 21:02
That is one of the best record attempt press releases I've ever read.


Thanks!

If anyone wants to post it on whiteblaze, go ahead. I'm imagining they aren't big fans of links between the two sites, so you could either cut & paste it, or link to this page instead:
http://omails.blogspot.com/2011/10/shane-odonnell-future-cdt-speed-record.html

johnny thunder
2011-10-26, 21:22
That is one of the best record attempt press releases I've ever read.

I recommend doing crack for the big miles.

crack for big miles is no joke, rock.

i know a guy who got kicked off the trail for that and more. current record holder for through hiking virginia while legally insane.

ask chaco.

Mags
2011-10-26, 21:23
WEll played sir..well played.

http://www.ponychan.net/chan/arch/src/130498268345.gif

SGT Rock
2011-10-26, 21:24
Thanks!

If anyone wants to post it on whiteblaze, go ahead. I'm imagining they aren't big fans of links between the two sites, so you could either cut & paste it, or link to this page instead:
http://omails.blogspot.com/2011/10/shane-odonnell-future-cdt-speed-record.html

You need that pic with the press release. It's priceless.:beer:

Jester
2011-10-26, 21:24
Crap. I forgot to put in a quote from Mags. I'll get one into the next press release.

Mags
2011-10-26, 21:26
I posted the link on the Trail running/speed hiking thread on WB. :)

Good stuff!!!!

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rk8HTEUVfSQ/TqiI2hPfagI/AAAAAAAAACQ/3KeUYuJI_Ps/s320/Pitchfork.jpg

Jester
2011-10-26, 21:29
You need that pic with the press release. It's priceless.:beer:

Done!

Crikey
2011-10-26, 22:35
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rk8HTEUVfSQ/TqiI2hPfagI/AAAAAAAAACQ/3KeUYuJI_Ps/s320/Pitchfork.jpg


I always wondered what Wild Cowboy looked like.

Skidsteer
2011-10-26, 22:40
Is that a custom Leki?

SGT Rock
2011-10-26, 22:58
That would be a sweet hiking pole.

Gaiter
2011-10-26, 23:15
no, no, please no crack...

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mgo/lowres/mgon41l.jpg

just depends on the crack :beer::aetsch:

http://www.ca2pr.com/images/sink1.jpg

Chaco Taco
2011-10-27, 00:21
That would be a sweet hiking pole.

He could make a staff with the Wizard on the top

Jester
2011-10-27, 04:22
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rk8HTEUVfSQ/TqiI2hPfagI/AAAAAAAAACQ/3KeUYuJI_Ps/s320/Pitchfork.jpg


I always wondered what Wild Cowboy looked like.

hahahaha! Yes! I forgot about him!


Is that a custom Leki?

I am unofficially sponsored by Leki via my friendship with some employees there. I can get Lekis in any shape.

Tin Man
2011-10-27, 08:37
... I can get Lekis in any shape.

like this shape?

http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/174s/37205493.jpg

JERMM
2011-10-27, 12:45
"Shane O'Donnell will be relying on when he embarks on his bold and quite possibly life-threatening attempt to "not just shatter, but mug at knifepoint and beat senseless" the Continental Divide Trail speed record."

he's my hero, hope he wears a cape and has music and stuff

chief
2011-10-27, 14:40
Planning to go more than 28 days without a woman is insane. Just sayin.
There you go, making assumptions again.

Spogatz
2011-10-27, 16:21
I'll bet he can make it and not carry any water. Suck it up and go like a real man!!!!

rcli4
2011-10-27, 18:16
"Shane O'Donnell will be relying on when he embarks on his bold and quite possibly life-threatening attempt to "not just shatter, but mug at knifepoint and beat senseless" the Continental Divide Trail speed record."

he's my hero, hope he wears a cape and has music and stuff

I think he prefers to wear a dress...

Mags
2011-10-27, 20:23
Many people are taking Jester's blogger post at face value. Rather amusing to see the comments! Too many thru-hikers are way too serious :D

My "favorite" one:

Is this for real? Wow. I am slightly speechless in the absurdity and ridiculousness of the attempt. As a solo hiker who just completed a NOBO hike on the CDT this year I can assure you, that Shane has not researched this trail. This is NOT the AT or the PCT or your mother's backyard! There is no completed trail as Jackie stated, there is no set route, no definition and 2800 is not the minimum distance. You can walk a route much less or a route slightly more. What's the point? Those of us hikers who spend months out there still don't have enough time to savor the moment and engage with the beauty that this country still possesses.
I shake my head in the ridiculousness. To each their own.

(Including my Dad. This is why you keep your parents on a big firewall when they friend you on Facebook. He can only see my photos..and apparently links I respond to!!!)

Jester
2011-10-27, 20:59
Many people are taking Jester's blogger post at face value. Rather amusing to see the comments! Too many thru-hikers are way too serious :D


Yeah, this is the interesting thing here, in my opinion. No matter how ridiculous I made the post, I knew that there would be people who would take it seriously, not because they're naive or have no sense of humor, but because they've gotten used to people making astoundingly stupid claims about what they're going to do.

rcli4
2011-10-27, 21:07
Yeah, this is the interesting thing here, in my opinion. No matter how ridiculous I made the post, I knew that there would be people who would take it seriously, not because they're naive or have no sense of humor, but because they've gotten used to people making astoundingly stupid claims about what they're going to do.

Well, I am finding it very funny.

Wonder
2011-10-27, 23:03
This about made me piss myself........

, "I don't just want to break the record, I want to take it out behind the Middle School and get it pregnant. It's kind of a statement for me."

Gaiter
2011-10-27, 23:48
the whole thing nearly made me piss myself

Lugnut
2011-10-27, 23:58
Maybe we should rename Jester "Flomax".

Jester
2011-10-28, 00:05
Maybe we should rename Jester "Flomax".

This is exactly the sort of thing that makes me glad I already have a trail name.

Lugnut
2011-10-28, 00:19
There are some bad ones. The worst I have heard is "puss gut". I imagine it gets worse. :afraid:

Tin Man
2011-10-28, 04:08
There are some bad ones. The worst I have heard is "puss gut". I imagine it gets worse. :afraid:

http://www.trailstealth.com/site_pics3/trashcan_hiker.jpg

Jester
2011-10-28, 04:10
There are some bad ones. The worst I have heard is "puss gut". I imagine it gets worse. :afraid:

"Breakfast Enema" is pretty bad.

Nightwalker
2011-10-28, 15:08
"Breakfast Enema" is pretty bad.

But you gotta admit it's catchy.

Sarcasm The Elf
2011-10-28, 18:48
"Breakfast Enema" is pretty bad.



I think I've seen those for sale at Whole Foods.

Crikey
2011-10-28, 23:38
"Breakfast Enema" is pretty bad.


I think I've seen those for sale at Whole Foods.

I call it a Hardee's biscuit.

Bearpaw
2011-10-30, 19:13
Jester. He makes the CDT put the lotion in the basket!